For This We Left Egypt

Author: Dave Barry
Publisher: Flatiron Books
ISBN: 125011022X
Size: 31.76 MB
Format: PDF, Mobi
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The book you hold before you is no ordinary Haggadah. If you’ve ever suffered through a Seder, you’re well aware of the fact that the entire evening can last as long as the exodus from Egypt itself. There are countless stories, dozens of blessings, and far too many handwashings while the meal turns cold. Now prepare to be entertained by another version of the book that’s responsible for this interminable tradition. With this hilarious parody Haggadah from the comedic minds of Dave Barry, Alan Zweibel, and Adam Mansbach, good Jews everywhere will no longer have to sit (and sleep) through a lengthy and boring Seder. In For This We Left Egypt?, the authors will be take you through every step of the Seder, from getting rid of all the chametz in your home by setting it on fire with a kosher blowtorch to a retelling of the Passover story starring Pharaoh Schmuck and a burning bush that sounds kind of like Morgan Freeman, set against the backdrop of the Promised Land—which turned out not to be a land of milk and honey but rather one of rocks and venomous scorpions the size of Yorkshire terriers. You then eat a celebratory brisket and wrap up the whole evening by taking at least forty-five minutes to say good-bye to everyone. So gather all the Jews in your life (even the few who don’t appear to be long-suffering) and settle in for a fun way to pass the time while waiting for Elijah to show up.

A Field Guide To The Jewish People

Author: Dave Barry
Publisher: Flatiron Books
ISBN: 1250191971
Size: 19.38 MB
Format: PDF, Mobi
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From three award-winning and bestselling humor writers comes a hilarious guide to everything you need to know about Jewish history, holidays, and traditions. Why do random Jewish holidays keep springing up unexpectedly? Why are yarmulkes round? Who was the first Jewish comedian? What's "Christian humor" and have you ever even heard of that phrase? Who is "the Golem" and whom do you want it to beat up? These baffling questions and many more are answered by comedy legends Dave Barry, Adam Mansbach, and Alan Zweibel, two-thirds of whom are Jewish. In A Field Guide to the Jewish People the authors dissect every holiday, rite of passage, and tradition, unravel a long and complicated history, and tackle the tough questions that have plagued Jews and non-Jews alike for centuries. Combining the sweetness of an apricot rugelach with the wisdom of a matzoh ball, this is the last book on Judaism that you will ever need. So gather up your chosen ones, open a bottle of Manischewitz, and get ready to laugh as you finally begin to understand the inner-workings of Judaism.

The Moth Presents All These Wonders

Author: Catherine Burns
Publisher: Crown Archetype
ISBN: 1101904410
Size: 40.94 MB
Format: PDF, ePub
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“Wonderful." —Michiko Kakutani, New York Times Celebrating the 20th anniversary of storytelling phenomenon The Moth, 45 unforgettable true stories about risk, courage, and facing the unknown, drawn from the best ever told on their stages Carefully selected by the creative minds at The Moth, and adapted to the page to preserve the raw energy of live storytelling, All These Wonders features voices both familiar and new. Alongside Meg Wolitzer, John Turturro, Tig Notaro, and Hasan Minhaj, readers will encounter: an astronomer gazing at the surface of Pluto for the first time, an Afghan refugee learning how much her father sacrificed to save their family, a hip-hop star coming to terms with being a “one-hit wonder,” a young female spy risking everything as part of Churchill’s “secret army” during World War II, and more. High-school student and neuroscientist alike, the storytellers share their ventures into uncharted territory—and how their lives were changed indelibly by what they discovered there. With passion, and humor, they encourage us all to be more open, vulnerable, and alive.

Leading The Passover Journey

Author: Nathan Laufer
Publisher: Jewish Lights Publishing
ISBN: 1580232116
Size: 41.87 MB
Format: PDF, Kindle
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An exploration of the Passover Seder uncovers the hidden meaning of the Seder's rituals and customs and reveals the unifying theory connecting the fifteen pieces of the Seder, written for anyone who plans to participate in, contribute to, or lead a Passover Seder.

The New American Haggadah

Author: Lauren Royal
Publisher: Novelty Publishing
ISBN: 1938907981
Size: 73.91 MB
Format: PDF, ePub, Mobi
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A Haggadah you can read from cover to cover. No decisions! No skipping! No guilt! A Haggadah long enough to cover everything, yet short enough to conquer boredom. A Haggadah that's easy to follow, even for those who have never led or attended a Seder before. A Haggadah that encourages everyone to participate, without any confusion as to who says what. A Haggadah that celebrates freedom. A Haggadah that highlights traditional Jewish values alongside modern American ideals. A Haggadah that explains everything! Updated: Now with Hebrew characters and right-to-left printing! Please note: this e-book version is for those participants who prefer to read on their Android smartphones or tablets. Paperback copies and other digital formats are also available for purchase on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, iBooks, and Kobo.

The Unorthodox Haggadah

Author: Nathan Phillips
Publisher: Andrews McMeel Publishing
ISBN: 1449470351
Size: 20.89 MB
Format: PDF, Docs
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The Unorthodox Haggadah is a way to enjoy the strange and wonderful world of religion, while skipping the boring parts. Ritual is at the core of every culture, but people are no longer into dogma. This book offers the ritual with a hilarious, irreverent twist. It is genuinely funny, fun to flip through, and a riot to use at the seder. Make sure everyone around your table has a copy for the next Passover. Sample text: Let's begin by drinking the blood of a virgin lamb off the tip of a flaming golden scimitar. In the event that you've de-virginized your lamb or misplaced your scimitar, use wine. Now, we toast the Israelites for rolling out of Egypt in time and generally being clever. Here are a few things they've invented since 1901: Jeans, lipstick, Hollywood, the fax machine, psychoanalysis, and the weekend. Thanks for getting us out of Egypt before shit got too real. Drink the second cup of wine while leaning to the left. “…light up your seder.” -Huffington Post "A cool, creative affront to Jewish grandmothers." -MediaBistro “Redefine Bitter Herbs…slightly insane.” -Tablet Magazine "It’s the Passover you never knew you always wanted...While there are many (many!) different Haggadah versions out there, this one is hands down our favorite (sorry Maxwell house). Genuinely funny, which puts it head and shoulders above 99.9% of the treacly crap people foist on unsuspecting seder guests to try to fool them into thinking they’re actually enjoying themselves.” -Heeb Magazine­

Love Your Neighbor And Yourself

Author: Elliot N. Dorff
Publisher: Jewish Publication Society
ISBN: 9780827607590
Size: 43.34 MB
Format: PDF
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A leading ethicist suggests ways to take the moral high road in one?s personal life. In this topically relevant book on modern ethical issues, Dorff focuses on personal ethics, Judaism?s distinctive way of understanding human nature, our role in life, and what we should strive to be, both as individuals and as members of a community. Dorff addresses specific moral issues that affect our personal lives: privacy, particularly at work as it is affected by the Internet and other modern technologies; sex in and outside of marriage; family matters, such as adoption, surrogate motherhood, stepfamilies, divorce, parenting, and family violence; homosexuality; justice, mercy, and forgiveness; and charitable acts and social action.

A Night To Remember

Author: Mishael Zion
Publisher: Haggadaus R Us
ISBN:
Size: 18.56 MB
Format: PDF, Kindle
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An all new haggadah from the creators of A Different Night. A full traditional haggadah with much commentary and art. Commentators are not just rabbis, but novelists, poets, scholars, and political figures from recent times. Emphases include social conscience, Israel, women's issues. Comes with Seder Planner to help a seder leader plan his/her own path through the seder.